So things have Ben going great recently, I've been eating what my nutritionist says, running is getting better and I've been better with the whole good vs bad food thing.
But, yeah theres always a but, tomorrow I have a leadership day since I'm house captain at school and it's casual dress. I spent like an hour trying to find some shorts since all I own are short shorts and it's going to be to hot for pants. It's just us leaders and my principal so yeah... No short shorts.
So I spent a whole hour looking for some freaking shorts in my own cupboard as well as trying all of mums on, getting more and more frustrated every time I put on a pair of shorts that highlighted my freaking huge thighs.
Ok, so it was one pair.
But, majority of the shorts I tried on were either old shorts that fit me last summer and no longer do, or mums shorts which are pretty much the same.
I sat on my floor and looked in my mirror and got that disgusting feeling I used to and started crying.
Mum finally found me some shorts and assumed that's what was wrong but after I didn't get any happier she asked (forced) me to tell her what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her because I knew it would sound stupid to her but eventually I gave in.
Her reply 'Dont be ridiculous, it was only one pair and every teenage girl in our town wishes they had your muscly legs.' yup, I told you so.
She looked kind of upset and by this stage I was full on bawling and she kept asking 'do you seriously think your fat?'but I wouldn't reply.
I KNOW she thinks I'm being stupid which is kind of ironic since she used to have bulimia.
It's just so frustrating, and she's too scared to even say anything to do with an eating disorder because she doesn't want to believe that I had/am recovering from one rather than just not eating enough for the amount of running I do.
Also, Ive been experiencing really bad bloating which is not doing much to help my confidence level at the moment. It happens every time I eat, no matter how big or small and my nutritionist is investigating possible food intolerances so ill keep you updated on that.
Stay strong (even if I'm not doing such a great job)