I can't believe how far I've come in just 3 weeks.
I'm so thankful to my Mum and my Coach for being so alert and not taking 'im fine' for an answer when it came to my health.
My visit to the sports nutritionist opened my eyes to the amount I was eating compared to what an athlete my age should be eating for optimum health and performance. Although at that stage I hadnt told anyone about my ED I decided that the purging after meals had to stop and even though my head was screaming at me, I stuck to the meal plan she had set for me.
I'd be lying if I said the past 3 weeks had been easy, when I realized I'd put on 3kg, I had a complete breakdown (which actually led to me admitting everything to Mum). Mum has been very supportive, I found out she used to suffer for bulimia and I wouldn't be able to get through my 'down days' without her. She reminds me to think with my head and not through my reflection or weight and to focus on my health.
She emailed my nutritionist who reminded me that:
-1L water = 1Kg (I drink at least 2L of water a day)
-My muscle is rebuilding so 'heaviness'doesnt necessarily account to extra 'fat'
-The food I eat sits in my body to be digested and adds 'heaviness' even though it's not actually a part of my body
-I DONT NEED TO WEIGH MYSELF
I'm already starting to run better, I think my coach might have purposely planned a time trial to show me that. I'm not chronically dehydrated, malnourished and the iron deficiency anemia is gradually getting better.
Im in no way near the end of my recovery, physically I'm getting better and have no trouble eating, but I fight with my head constantly and it's going to take a long time to regain control of my thoughts.
But however long it takes, I'm going to get better.
Stay Strong <3